I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize