Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
