I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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