Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
