Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
