I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
