i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
