so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
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