shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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