You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
