If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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