I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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