Just fell off a train. Bad.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
