What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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