Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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