I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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