my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
May the power of my ass compel you!!
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Success! We fucked roommates!
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
