actually, I'm a sock model
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
