Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize