sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
