once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
NoShamevember. You game?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
