Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
