Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
