hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
