What a fucking waste of an outfit
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
