i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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