If i come over, it means nothing
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
