I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
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Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
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Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
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