wrigley field is MILF paradise
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
That accounts for only three of the penises
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
