Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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