You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
