That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
