okay pat passed out under dana's car
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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