either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
