My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
