I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
