I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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