so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
