Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
