her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I can't trust your balls anymore.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize