And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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