Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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