I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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