Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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