I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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