watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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