You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I am midnight drunk by noon
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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