I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
