3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize