I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
