Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I FOUND THE LEGS
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
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