There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
