Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
