I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
