I looked at my own cervix.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
