I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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