There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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