ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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