Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
