Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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