You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
