Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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