So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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