White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
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Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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