So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Dear god my vagina.
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