woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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