I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
