we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
