its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
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