I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
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