watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
