Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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