He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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