I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
