Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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