i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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