Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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