FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
